No one knows this...
When I was little, I'd stand on my bed and look out the window at night when I was supposed to be sleeping. I could feel the cool air coming through the frame of the glass - we lived in a starter house and the windows were just barely there. I would look out into the dark at the lights way far away and I'd pretend the convenience store and town lights were stars.
"Star light, star bright..."
I imagined the life I'd one day have. A life where I wouldn't be awkward, where I'd be able to drive a car, where I could put on pretty clothes and makeup and not be the scrawny class nerd. A life without an angry father. A life where I could sing and dance and be famous, like Donnie & Marie. A life where I could, I could, I could...
Fast forward to tonight. I'm wishing again.
This evening, I put up the Christmas decorations. They're simple and modest and I love that. I mean, really simple - it takes me a whole half hour to prepare for the Holidays. But Mom and my Step Dad and Steinvic will all be here this weekend and I thought, Christmas decorations would be just right, even if it's only early December.
I think Steinvic likes that I handle the decorating. I considered waiting until he got here so that we could decorate together, but I thought it would be kind of magical if everything was just so when he comes home.
So, my wishes are different now. I wish that Steinvic loves the warmth and sparkle whe he gets here tomorrow. I wish that I will be a good wife and that Steinvic always thinks I'm beautiful. I wish that I'm always the best version of myself that I can be. I wish that the things which once challenged my strength will truly make me the most stable, strong, capable person I could imagine. I wish that if I live to be 91, I look back and feel I've been half the woman my Grandma was. Oh, how I wish I could see her this Christmas...
I wish.
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