Lost and Found

I don't know what you believe...but I believe that things in this Universe link up. Some times the world seems to listen and respond.

It's not Divine, necessarily. It's not exactly predestination. But I do sometimes find that things align and unfold and regroup, often coming together beautifully.

When Steinvic and I married, I had a special bracelet made for him. It was my design, hand-crafted by a woman who made a necklace for him long ago, on my design, for his birthday that we spent together.

It was magnificent. Odd and sentimental and one-of-a-kind.

And right after we returned from our January, belated honeymoon (we married in October), it disappeared.

We searched high and low. We retraced our steps, emptied closets, searched furniture. I actually picked a fight...I was so upset and Steinvic seemed apathetic, which was in reality, fear and disbelief that it was gone and maybe a little hope that he'd find it before I discovered it missing.

We even contacted the airline, since airport security was the last place we could firmly remember him having it. We thought he'd skipped putting it on, (because it was a little awkward to put on and take off), and tucked it into his pocket, planning to put it on when we got settled on the plane. I remembered putting our jackets into the overhead and hearing a clank...at the time, I attributed that to our jacket zippers.

We received a truly kind, personal email from our airline...no bracelet was found.

And so, in these weeks, we resigned ourselves to the fact that the bracelet was gone forever. It made us sad.

And we talked about a new design...one that was similar, but not exactly the same, because I didn't like the idea of another, identical to the original, existing without being attached to us...just on the chance that it had been found by a stranger.

Tonight, I ran errands after work. Steinvic is working in Cbus and will be home tomorrow. I found clearance shirts at Macy's and did my MAC recycling so I could get a free lipstick. I went to WalMart to see the puppy beds we'd shopped online in person. I came home, exercised, did some laundry and sewed a little.

I misplaced the needle-threader my Mom got me and was pulling seat cushions off the couch, thinking it fell between them.

I went downstairs to get the vaccuum and got ready to sweep the whole room...I started to get the feeling that I'd accidentally thrown the threader away. But just in case, I wanted to vaccuum...it's a thin wire and I didn't want our new puppy to find it.

I pulled the cushion off the loveseat one last time, looking for the threader and then pulled off the other cushion...

And there was the bracelet! Found! Home. Here with us, even though we both were sure we'd looked there previously.

I cried. I kissed the bracelet. I texted a photo of it to Steinvic. I called my Mom to tell her. Steinvic called me right away and was so happy.

It's not the monetary value...it's totally the sentiment.

I don't put a lot of stock into things. As I've said before, I lost everything I owned in a horrible hurricane (that was my past life) and so, as a result, I don't care so much care about material things.

But a few, select, sentimental things...things that I meant for precious people to have...

I'm so grateful. I had written something special for Steinvic on our dry-erase board earlier tonight and I like to think that had something to do with this remarkable find...

No matter the cause, I am thankful.

Everything is as it should be. And I am lucky for a thousand reasons...

Christmas Recovery

We had a great Holiday. Steinvic and I celebrated on Christmas Eve – just us. We had cocktails at our local, a fabulous cheese & cracker and homemade soup feast at home, and then exchanged gifts and fell asleep on the couch during “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

We were lazy on Christmas Day until time to go to my folks, and Young Man and Girlfriend met us there. One of my (distant by logistics only) older cousins (she’s English, and 80 going on 50-something) was also there, and her love of music and sparkly personality kept the kids smiling. Young Man and my Mom bonded over their love for jazz records and made a date to get together to compare and share vinyl soon.

The kids, Steinvic and I all headed home and had our own Christmas there, sharing stories and joking in the kitchen while I made appetizers for the day after celebration at Steinvic’s sister’s home. Suddenly, we realized it was 1 a.m. and that would have been fine, save for the kids needing to get up and head for Columbus REALLY early (6 a.m.!) so everyone was off to bed.

I woke up early to make strong coffee in travel mugs and pack up some blueberry muffins for the kids' long, dark commute home, then slept a wee bit more and then we were up to get ready and drive to Columbus. A full house – all siblings and their kids – gathered around big, beautiful tables for an Italian feast, which was fantastic. Then lots of drinking and visiting and finally sleep.

Then back home yesterday…and we’re worn out, and both back to work today. I’ve managed to get some kind of goofy sore throat, watery eyes funk, probably from all the running around I’ve been doing. Seems like my body has a cut off for how long I am permitted to burn the candle at both ends, and then BOOM – hello, cold! Just need to shake it before next week…we’re headed out West for a belated honeymoon!

It’s time to load up on the B12, B6 and Vitamin C…and relax!

Where does a week go?

It's Tuesday, and Steinvic was home for the weekend and then outta here this morning at 6:55. (Aren't you glad I didn't say, "then was outta here this morning at 6:55 a.m."? That morning + a.m. thing is one of my pet peeves...) We had a great weekend of catching up and cozying back in...sure wasn't ready for him to head back out today. But, he'll be home tomorrow, so I'm just looking forward to that.

Since I last posted, I've been to a couple stores (okay, five) looking for a suitable dress. So far, no luck. I know what I want, and just have to hope that what I see in my brain will appear before my eyes as well.

At some point in the last 100 hours, it occured to me that in just two months, Steinvic and I are getting married. And that is an awesome thing.

However, it also means we need to get our butts in gear on the planning and doing of it all.

Never fear...this isn't going to become a wedding blog. But...the wedding is what is on my mind right now and since this blog is a peek into my brain, I will probably be talking about it a little bit!

We now have a venue for the wedding party - we're not calling it a reception, because it's way less formal than that - and we've preshopped a bunch of things, including Steinvic's suit, meaningful favors, menu items... We just need to wrap up the details.

But it's happening...it's really, really happening. And I couldn't be happier...

More soon... (I really didn't mean to be away for so long, but I got stuck on a different post and decided to nix it.)

Well On Our Way...

We're in a hotel room outside of Birmingham, Alabama. "We" includes me, Steinvic and Young Man. Young Man's friend flaked at the last minute, so it's just us three.

At first, I thought, "Crap...Young Man is going to be bored to tears the whole time, hanging out with 'just us.'"

And now that we're on our way, eight hours in, I'm happy that it's just us three. Young Man and I caught up on music, work, cars, society and all that on the way down. Steinvic hopped in back for the last third of the day and Young Man and I chattered away...before that we'd been yammering from the front/back seats.

Because I drove the whole 8 hours today! And I probably could have kept going, but I suddenly felt ready to get out of the car. Still, it was the easiest 8 hours in the car I've ever had.

Maybe it's because I'm so ready for this break.

Maybe it's because I'm so excited to share this place with Steinvic and Young Man.

Maybe it's becaus so often, I'm not in control of anything in my world, but this is a chance for me to have a heroine moment, where I can do something really great for the people I love most.

No matter the reason - let's not analyze it - we're about 4 hours away from our beach destination. We're going to take our time getting there, but by 3 tomorrow, we'll be there, checked in, comfortable, and taking in the beauty of a beach that I LOVE.

I'll let you know how it is when we get there...pictures and all.

Arizona is Amazing...

We are here! Arizona is just as clear and hot and beautiful as it was when we left it a year ago. According to the news, it was 102 today. It didn't feel that hot, though...not at all like Ohio hot.

Look at me, resorting to talking about the weather, like we don't know each other. The real news is that I slept last night like I haven't slept in about a year. I sleep at Steinvic's aunt and uncle's like I used to sleep at my Grandma's: solid. I don't sleep this well anywhere else. I probably turned in around 9:00 p.m. Arizona time and didn't wake until 7:30 this morning. No nightmares, no dinosaurs, nothing.

We're getting ready to go out for the evening. Just to a local we're fond of. Last night was aunts and uncles and hugs and kisses and all the things we live all year for. Tonight is just being. I really thank goodness for these people. It's peaceful here. I so needed this time...

More tomorrow...or so...

Since Then...

I haven't written since last Friday. Shame on me. I have had so much to say but now I'm here and logged in and hmmm... Must be list time. Too many thoughts. Here are some random ones for you:

1. Monday was my Grandma's memorial service. It was really special. The minister who carried the service was a very close friend of my Grandma and of my Grandpa...almost like a son to them. His family wasn't in town when he and his wife and sons arrived here years ago, so my grandparents just kind of adopted him. There was no one better to eulogize her. It was a hard day, but she would have been so proud... Interestingly enough, a lot of the service came from her writings. She'd once given an envelope to my aunt who thought it was just family records and memorabilia. Turns out, they were transcripts of talks she'd given and writings she'd contributed to different publications. So, her words were a big part of the memorial and that was oddly comforting. Unexpected. And her ashes are now resting beside my Grandpa, where her heart has been these last 23 years. Everything is in it's place...I just have to get used to this changed landscape and that is happening slowly.

2. If I haven't recently stated that I am completely in love with Steinvic, please take note. I would not have made it through the last month without him. No...that isn't true. I may have made it through the last month. But I would not like that world one bit! My life is better because he is such a big part of it. He is always devoted but he has been especially attentive, which I couldn't have imagined was possible because he already treats me so well. But I appreciate it. I am so very fortunate...(Thank you, Steinvic, for the sunflowers...for everything...)

3. I'm determined to have some fun and feel normal this weekend! We need fun. I am going to see it out as much as possible.

4. My new computer is freaking fantastic. This weekend, Steinvic and his brother-in-law figured out the issue with the wireless connection and got me all configured and up and running. Also, I was able to use my Zune last night and get it all synced up and loaded some new songs which I really needed to do. Music rut ended!

5. I made my famous Pasta Bake to share at work today to celebrate a big milestone in our department. Half of the pan is gone. That means that my colleagues had pasta for breakfast and I love that!

6. I am going to go read about Ted Kennedy now. RIP, Ted...Wow. What a life.

That's it for now. See, I posted! Hopefully more soon...

Finding My Direction

I'm here and with the help of Steinvic, survived what I thought would be the toughest time of my life.

I made it to Columbus on Friday night and was greeted with the biggest hug imaginable from Steinvic. And a card, and a small stuffed friend and a giant glass of vodka and club soda. (And a scratch off lottery ticket, because well...we're always hopeful.)I have loved him for so long, but how I realized just how much I also need him as soon as I saw his face.

He listened to all the things I'd been thinking and feeling through the course of the day on Friday. I have to tell you...I wasn't feeling much. Totally locked out. But he listened. Our friends listened. And I was glad to be there.

He told me that at the resort that was hosting our Family Reunion, he had made a reservation for me at the spa for a de-stressing massage and a facial. I had never had a spa experience and he said he felt I needed it now more than ever. I didn't even know what to say.

We arrived at the resort and he and his son dropped me off at the spa. I had a fifty-minute massage ("You have a lot of tension in your shoulders..." you think?!)and a thirty-minute facial. New dress we'd found last week and hosiery and shoes. The best company and comforting from his siblings and their special others. Thoughtful cards and sincere sympathy amidst the happy family banter.

It was exactly what I needed. Princess treatment and love like I've never felt before. My Grandma would be so happy to know that I have such love surrounding me. That is what she would have chosen for me, had she the power.

I didn't go to work today. My jaw has been locked up for days and finally hit a max. I woke up with a hellacious headache. Steinvic stayed home with me...he didn't have to, but said that he told his boss he needed to take care of me.

I am not accustomed - even with as devoted as Steinvic has been - to being taken care of. For the first time ever, I'm allowing it to happen. How will I ever thank him and his family?

I'll go back to the real world tomorrow. A world where I don't have the compass I had before in my Grandma, but a world in which I think I can make it...with a little help from the people who really, truly love me.

I really, really miss my sweet friend. But I am so thankful for the people who remain here on this planet to love and guide me.

OH. MY. GOSH!

Well, this is just outstandingly unbelievably awesome...

I have a computer. Of my very own. All because of Steinvic...

I've never had my own computer before. For a few years, I had a second hand computer that didn't work more often than it did. It was actually more frustrating to have occasional access than it has been not having access at all.

So, I have a beautiful, blue, Dell Inspiron 15 and I love it. In fact, this post is the first thing I'm doing on my new, gorgeous, fabulous computer.

Thank you, Steinvic, for once again doing something so amazing for me that I never would have done for myself. This is too much but I really love it and appreciate it!

Happy birthday to me...

For Steinvic

To my best, sweetest, loyal, true Friend -

I know we talked about it, but I'm putting it in writing, too. I've been thinking a lot this weekend, thinking more than I was talking. I want you to know that I now see the big difference between being vulnerable and being flawed. And being stupid. I'm actually through with all of that. (I'm kind of a slow learner, but obviously, eventually, I get it.)

Thank you for your unending patience and love. It only gets better from here. You have my word.

You really are the best...

p.s. The image may be a little hokey, but I have made a promise, and since I'm also cleaning up my act...well...hopefully, it brings a smile.

p.p.s. There is, apparently, a right way and a wrong way to flip eggs for eggs over easy. Guess which method I've been using all these times I've tried to make them for you? (And apparently, frustration and tears are not required ingredients...)