First Anniversary

A year ago today, Steinvic and I got married in a tiny chapel in Columbus, and were accompanied by my parents and Steinvic’s Mom, Young Man and Young Man’s Girlfriend. It was windy, but sunny and clear...the leaves just starting to turn. Steinvic looked so handsome in his suit and tie...confident. It was a happy, fantastic, and wonderful day.

Our ceremony was short but meaningful, supported by years of love and long-distance commutes that still keep our union going. Our wedding was a celebration of a committment that was already there.

And the long-distance part and waiting was never difficult. I can’t tell you how many people have said to me, “I don’t know how you two do it. I could never do that.”

I never felt that way. The love has always been firmly in place, and when you’ve got that as your compass, everything else just falls in line. I miss Steinvic when he’s gone for work, but for once in my life, I’m secure. I know he’ll be back, and when he is, everything is fantastic.

So yes, there really are birds singing and crickets chirping and the sun shines every day and we’re skipping through tulips.

And while all that is happening, Steinvic occasionally secretly wishes that I’d stop telling the same stories over and again, and I marvel at how I’m the only person in the house who seems to remember to replace the toilet paper.

Because that is Life. But it’s LOVE that governs our world and keeps us immensely happy. And it is not hard at all to love each other.

I’ve learned a lot, this first year. I’ve learned that it’s good to give Steinvic his space and instead of pouting at him, encourage him to go watch football with the guys and that this is not just okay, but it’s healthy. (And while he is doing that, I’m doing things that I enjoy doing, like sewing or cooking and watching stuff on television that I know he doesn’t dig.) I think I’ve learned to be less selfish this year. And I have found new recipes beyond the five-dish menu (that served us well when we weren’t in the same house most of the time) and I’ve really gotten into finally beautifying our modest, yet comfortable, home.



And Steinvic has learned lots, too. Like that the little daily things - folding a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher and taking out the trash - make me insanely happy. (I’m like that…these are the things that shout, “I love you! You’re the greatest!” to me.) He discovered that he’s a great husband who is tremendously devoted to the point that he will kill giant spiders while I jump up and down, shrieking. He offers to do things that will make my life easier, like going to the grocery or marinating carrots for me. These are HUGE things for me because it means I have less stress, more quality time with him, or even just some me time. And, Steinvic also learned that what seems like a big concession can actually turn out to be a quite a blessing.

How we enjoy Houdini!

While I was living my life up to the point of finding Steinvic, nothing seemed clear to me. All the paths and twists and turns on my journey felt like a trip through a brier-filled, tangled, confused, dark, rainy forest. I had no sense of direction or even any wants any longer. I was just surviving. But after finding Steinvic, things started to come into focus, and I felt like this.

I’m so proud of our marriage. So much joy in just one year! I’m truly the luckiest girl in the world...

Happy Anniversary, Steinvic...and thank you.

Never Ending Friending

I am such a dork...look at this post title. Yeah, I kind of rolled my eyes at the title of this post right along with you because I hate when people make up verbs like "friending." Also, I'm not on My Space, Facebook or any of that stuff. I have this blog - this quiet, sleepy little anonymous place on the Internet - and that is about it. But I was feeling rhymey, so there you go - dorky title for a post.

What is on my mind is...when you have a friend, do you get offended when that person doesn't reciprocate your friendship?

Let me clarify the question - when I do something nice for a friend, it isn't because I expect something in return. In general, I don't expect a lot of others. It's not that I'm bitter or cranky...it's more that I'm 39 years old, I've lived a lot of life, I've known lots of people and I read the news. There are bursts of kindness and kinships in the world, but there are also a lot of sucktards out there who make it tough to keep having hope for the goodness of others. I know some AMAZING people and I feel fortunate for that. But there are a lot of selfish bastards out there who cause a girl to keep her guard up.

Still, if you have a long-term friendship with someone, isn't it fair to assume that they will at least appreciate the friendship and gestures, and not take you for granted?

In fact, while I'm not big on ragging people out behind their back, it's safe for me to vent here because she doesn't even read this blog. I once told her about it, offered to send her a link to it and she said, "I am on a computer all day...I don't have time to read one more thing." So, it's more than safe to assume that she'll never read this...and even if she did, it's how I feel, so I'd be okay with it. (By the way, she doesn't have time to read anything, but she IS on Facebook and a bunch of other social networking sites.)

We invited her to stand up for us at our wedding ceremony and understood that it could be tough for her to get here (she lives about 6 hours away), but she insisted it wouldn't be a problem to do it, and even swore she'd be at our reception.

Then, she revised her plans. She thought she could do the ceremony but not the reception because she didn't have enough vacation days.

(However, soon after saying that, she took several days of vacation to go visit a friend who has not been so loyal to her. Granted, it was because her friend's grandmother suddenly died, but where did these mysterious extra days off come from? More importantly, I tried not to be offended or hurt that when my Grandma died last summer - the Grandma that she always wanted to visit when she came to town and who she sent cards and flowers to - not only did she not come to support me, but only texted or e-mailed during that time...not one phone call for a full month when I really, really needed support.)

Steinvic offered to pay for a hotel room for her and also researched an amazingly inexpensive airfare that he offered to split with her (we'd each pay $70) to cut down on the time she'd need to miss work.

Her response? "I am too stressed at work to even think about it right now." Not thank you. Not, "That's generous...let me see what I can do as soon as I get my calendar together." Nothing.

It's been a week since we offered and she hasn't brought it up. I've gotten myself so pissed about it that when she e-mails with her "Hi! How are you!? What's going on this weekend?" I can't even reply. I don't want to say anything but," What the hell is your problem and how could you be so ungrateful?"

I'm no Bridezilla. I don't expect her to drop everything for us, throw me a shower, make an extra trip here to help me hot glue bows to something or party down with me wearing some tiara with a veil tacked to it. But she hasn't even asked what my dress looks like and that kind of hurts my feelings. Am I a sensitive litte baby or what? I hate that this bothers me so much.

But, if I'm honest, I regret our decision to ask her to stand with us because I feel like that is an honor for a forever friend and right now, I don't feel like she's going to be that to me or to us.

From an ettiquite perspective, I know I could politely call her and say that our plans have changed and that while we no longer need her to take the time off work for our ceremony, we sure hope she'll come to the celebration a few weeks later.

But that seems mean to me.

I don't know what to do...I don't have the energy to hash it out with her, but maybe I'll have to do it. Part of me thinks she should know how I feel and the other thinks I just need to suck it up.

For the moment, I'm just simmering on it. And feeling like a fool for counting on her in the first place.

Being Busy

What does getting ready for a wedding ceremony and party mean?

It means being elated. It means finding just the right things to delight ourselves and our family and friends. It means getting set for a fresh start and loving the thought and feeling of all that...

It also means making lists, freaking out when you realize that the street number on the invites somehow isn't correct (!), hoping and praying.

It means that when the dryer buzzes, I am actually relieved that the clothes aren't dry yet and that I can put them on another light dry cycle instead of folding. (This gives me the time to write here...)

I thought all the invites were out, but a conversation with Steinvic's Mom prompted me to send out a dozen more tonight.

Of course, I didn't have any more envelopes, so I headed up to Michaels to buy up what they had - two packets of our envelopes - just enough!

An hour later, I can check one more thing off the list.

But you know what? I'm so excited and happy...I hope that everyone we've invited can come and celebrate with us.

Six years of commuting, a big move to combine our homes, learning to live together - Steinvic's constant calm and my waves of spaz - it's all coming to a gorgeous place...our marriage.

Meanwhile, work is relentless. Man, I am GRATEFUL for my job, but I can't even take lunch these days. I used to keep trucking through lunch semi-voluntarily, but now it's a have-to...lunchtime isn't about reading a little junk online and then working more. It's all about the hustle and using that extra hour to try to get caught up.

So...right now, I'm having a glass of wine, listening to the dryer tumble sounds behind the television sounds, missing Steinvic (it's a Columbus night) and thanking my stars for the very wonderful busy life I have.

We have.

Where does a week go?

It's Tuesday, and Steinvic was home for the weekend and then outta here this morning at 6:55. (Aren't you glad I didn't say, "then was outta here this morning at 6:55 a.m."? That morning + a.m. thing is one of my pet peeves...) We had a great weekend of catching up and cozying back in...sure wasn't ready for him to head back out today. But, he'll be home tomorrow, so I'm just looking forward to that.

Since I last posted, I've been to a couple stores (okay, five) looking for a suitable dress. So far, no luck. I know what I want, and just have to hope that what I see in my brain will appear before my eyes as well.

At some point in the last 100 hours, it occured to me that in just two months, Steinvic and I are getting married. And that is an awesome thing.

However, it also means we need to get our butts in gear on the planning and doing of it all.

Never fear...this isn't going to become a wedding blog. But...the wedding is what is on my mind right now and since this blog is a peek into my brain, I will probably be talking about it a little bit!

We now have a venue for the wedding party - we're not calling it a reception, because it's way less formal than that - and we've preshopped a bunch of things, including Steinvic's suit, meaningful favors, menu items... We just need to wrap up the details.

But it's happening...it's really, really happening. And I couldn't be happier...

More soon... (I really didn't mean to be away for so long, but I got stuck on a different post and decided to nix it.)

Shorn

I got all of my hair cut off tonight.

No, it wasn't a Britney Spears moment... It was more me spending way too much time on my hair in the morning with little return.

I have baby fine hair. Ridiculously fine child-like hair. The longer it gets, the more clumpy and ugly it gets. Do I want sexy, movie star ridiculous hair? Oh yeah...

Can I have it without wearing a wig? Nope...

My former hairdresser was a sweetie. I liked her. But she has been incredibly distracted. Out of the last four haircuts (at $40 a pop plus tip) one was perfect. And when I say perfect, I mean, whoa...

So, I got a coupon e-mailed to me for a 30% discount at an Aveda salon. I took that as a sign from the Hair Gods to go for it.

By the way...why is Aveda certifiation grounds for being so freaking expensive?!

Anyway, I'm freaking out. I want to find some lovely hairdo for our wedding...but...

Migraine Monday

The weekend was great...Friday night was a Reds Game/Surprise Party for one of Steinvic's cousins. Lots of cousins there, plus one of Steinvic's sisters + her husband were there, and Steinvic's Aunt and Uncle...and lots of friends of his cousin. We took up most of the Machine Room at the ballpark, and since the weather was kind of cold and rainy and the Reds really blew it, we didn't see much of the game. But what fun we had visiting and catching up with everyone!

The next morning, Steinvic's sister and her husband came by on their way back to Columbus. We talked and sipped coffee and tea for hours. It was leisurely and wonderful...how nice it was to have Steinvic's family (soon to be my family, too, though they already feel like mine) in our home. When they left, we cleaned up, got groceries in, and went to our local for a while.

Sunday, I got up early and started cooking...my parents were coming for a big, vegetarian lasagna dinner. I made sauce from scratch, layered up the lasagna, and we got the house ready.

And, as I cleaned up the dinner dishes and visited with my Mom (Steinvic and my step-Dad were out in the living room talking) we began talking about the wedding.

I shared with her our thoughts so far, and she began to pressure me about ways to include my sister.

This is touchy territory...my sister and I aren't close. I won't go into all the details right now, but it's tricky...while I'm not excluding her from anything, I'm also not going to great lengths to include her in any traditional ways. We don't have that kind of relationship and because she doesn't make efforts in the day-to-day ways, it seems fake to me to involve her in the grand gesture sorts of ways.

And as my Mom pressed harder, what felt like a long, dull needle began working it's way into my brain through the top of my head, behind my right eye.

By the time we were all gathered around the computer, looking at the photos from my parent's latest adventure, I couldn't see at all.

The vision part left after an hour or so, and I took several Aleve and several prescription Naproxen to cut the pain. Usually, that would do it. The days of me getting truly debilitating migraines (the go to the hospital variety) are thankfully long gone.

But when I woke this morning, there was the migraine, blurring my vision with wavy lines once again.

So, I called off today. Hated to do it...I don't like missing work...but I was so foggy. I slept until almost noon.

I'm better now. Steinvic worked from home today and I puttered around, checked work e-mail, showered and even ran a few errands. I just threw together my first Shepherd's Pie (vegetarian, of course...)

I love my Mom and of course, don't want her to know that I think her firm pressing may have coaxed me right into migraine mode. But wow...

We will do our wedding our way because we deserve to celebrate our love in the most authentic way possible.

Veggie Dogs & Gold-Plated Cake...

It's somehow Monday again...another super fast weekend! It was a good one though, complete with checking out a new hang-out spot. We didn't eat there this time because I was jonesing for Mexican, but we will try the all vegetarian menu soon (every kind of veggie dog imaginable!) For this weekend, we just had a few drinks and talked to a very bright and charming barmaid, who was really knowledgable about all kinds of booze and beer, and who grasped customer service as she sincerely greeted and waited on every single person in the place. We'll be back to Hal & Al's soon!

We also started talking about wedding things...we've got lots of time to plan, but realize that with a lot of venues, you've got to work a year or more outside of your date, and so we're musing. I think - and we're still discussing - that we're leaning more toward a cocktail-style reception after the ceremony. This means great drinks, heavy hors devours and wedding cake, but no traditional buffet/sit down dinner. It's more because "this is who we are" versus a money-saving attempt (his sister actually always teases us because we're more likely to share tapas than to order an entree..."You never eat!!!") We checked out one venue this weekend and Steinvic is going to research it a little more.

We also looked at wedding rings for Steinvic (very exciting!) and I have looked online at dresses (non-traditional, but no photos here because it will be a surprise!) and at wedding cakes, just out of curiousity.

Now, this isn't going to become a Wedding Blog or anything, but when I'm stunned or excited about something, I'm probably gonna write about it.

And $45 per slice cake stuns me. First, I want to know what $45 per slice cake looks like. Then, I want to know what comes with that...like, I'm thinking a foot rub, a car wash, or some other sampling of a luxury service. And finally, I want to meet the person who orders $45 per slice cake, and hear how they explained to all but 10 of their guest that unfortunately, they could only look at the cake and not eat it, because the budget wouldn't allow it.

I read Cake Wrecks and I see the cake shows on television and I know that cakes are often a work of art. I also know that I am not a big dessert person, so maybe my value-per-cake-o-meter is somewhat skewed or off and I shouldn't be permitted to comment. But wow!

At the end of the day, I want Steinvic and I to be happily married. It would be wonderful to celebrate our marriage with the entire world! But who can do that? So, it's more important that our celebration is special, and it's totally fine if our wedding day is simply us, a few friends and our families, with cheerful announcements going out to everyone else. I'm so happy that we're going to be married! Love! It's amazing that people go broke over weddings, but from this pre-shopping, it looks like that would be easy to do...

Oh! We watched Swimming with Sharks last night. Despite the utterly horrifying title, I really liked this movie. It is one of those that when it was first over, I was like, hmmm. But after sitting with it the last 12 hours, I have been thinking about it and I think it's worth a second watch. We also watched The Godfather I and II, because I was making Italian and I think Steinvic was giving me a break from football. ;)

That's it! The weekend in a nutshell. I hope your weekend was just as lovely...