Family Values

I think that one day, we'll reflect on the way our government and society has discriminated against people who are gay the same way we reflect on other travesties to our human rights, like when women and blacks were not permitted to vote.

I watched The Kids are Alright the other night, so I guess the topic is on my mind. And then I read shallow-minded comments at the end of articles that talk about how same-sex marriage threatens the core of family values.

I don't see how that is possible. I don't even know what it means, exactly.

Because the way I see it... if you're gay and have a steady partner, and possibly children, chances are you have to work a lot harder for that relationship than straight folks. Yep, I said it...people who are gay not only deserve to be married, but possibly even more than us heterosexual folks (who often take that right for granted and/or abuse it) do.

I can only imagine that it's hard enough to survive childhood and the teen years as a homosexual. Chaz has a nice campaign going, and I think it's a really good idea, to let kids know that as bad as life might seem right now, it does get better. But still...

Imagine, once you're grown, knowing that if - when you walk into a room - you "sound too gay" or "look too gay" that some of the idiots in the room are not paying attention to why you're there or what you're saying, but instead begin thinking about your sexuality. (Doesn't THAT seem more perverse than the idea of people of the same gender having "relations"?)

Imagine that on the job, if you're a single female with short hair who likes sports and you haven't got a boyfriend that immediately, people assume you're gay. It may affect your social life or your relationships...what if you don't feel like you can be honest with your co-workers?

The stress and strain of constantly having to juggle how comfortable others are going to be with who you are undoubtedly makes life in general more difficult for people who are gay. I have no idea how difficult it would be to try to maintain a romantic relationship under the additional strain.

Family values to me? Be honest with each other. Don't abuse each other. Trust each other. If the road gets rocky, you don't leave; families work it out. Be innovative - actively seek ways to stay in love. Be selfless - think about something that your spouse/partner would be delighted by and then do it. Give - make a daily effort to appreciate each other. And teach your kids all these things by talking, being affectionate and communicating often so they can see how it all works. Those are family values to me... How can allowing people to get married threaten anything I value? How does everyone having equal rights to marry damage love?

I see this world as a crazy place. It's a good place, and a beautiful place, but it's crazy and it's hard to get by sometimes. Who am I to deprive someone else of love, of the same joy I felt when I married Steinvic, of the same rights I have? If you can find love in this world, celebrate it every day. Here's to the rest of our great States getting their heads out of their asses.

I Am Not A Feminist

I read this article and many of the comments at the end of the article.

And I have to say, I am not a feminist and it's not because I am ashamed, old fashioned, beaten down, self-loathing, or afraid people will think I'm a lesbian.

Some of the comments by feminists at the end of the article are the very reason I don't want the label slapped on my forehead.

If I had to put a label on myself, it would be "humanist."

It is rude, judgmental and inaccurate to suggest that anyone who doesn't want to be labeled a feminist "think(s) she will always have a man to take care of her or, poor thing, hasn't got the sense God gave a tire iron."

Well, I never! (just kidding...) But seriously, I certainly went through some life experiences(including a hellacious marriage and divorce) frightening enough to turn any one against people in general. Instead of letting it ruin me, I am self made, intelligent, very strong, outspoken woman who now has healthy, successful relationships. AND, of course I do think that women should have the same rights and make the same wages as men.

But I also believe that men shouldn't be discriminated against when working in a sea of women, that Hispanics shouldn't experience racial profiling or that African Americans shouldn't be treated like second class citizens. It also enrages me to see Vietnamese folks get treated like garbage...in their own businesses. I didn't like seeing kids with special needs get picked on when I was in school, either, and one of the only scuffles I ever got in was when I stepped in to defend one of the kids in that program when she was about to get touched by a group of disgusting, ignorant high school guys. (The other scuffle was when a wannabe skinhead made a racially inflammatory comment toward me because I was walking with my guy pal who happened to be bi-racial.) Not proud of fighting, but I wouldn't take either encounter back, either.

I think that everyone deserves respect. It doesn't make me a sell out or a chicken to not specify women. It doesn't mean I'm weak. It just means that I'm going to high five any situation where someone is treated fairly and respectfully, and not just when my "sisters" are treated that way.

And, it means that no matter who you are, I'll only let you hold the door for me if I'm allowed to return the favor in the next doorway.

See the benefits of writing an isolated blog? If this blog were a hotbed of readers, I'd have a bunch of people sounding off in the comments... instead, I'm thinking crickets...