Catching Up With You

Part of the reason I'm not posting here with the delicious regularity I was previously posting is that I got a warning type note at work. Could have been for the professional association blog I administrate, but also could have been from here. Which means that I can't access this blog from work, from fear of being found out...or fired. So, thanks for being patient while I try to work computer time into personal time... (shouldn't be a challenge, but somehow, it is!)

Things are going fine here. I had lunch with J and her precious ones this week and she immediately said that she could see a difference in my face. I call this, "losing my moon face." It was one of the things I've hated most about the condition I now know is excess estrogen. In addition, since going off the Pill, I don't feel anxious, don't feel depressed, have only had one spell of pain (previously, the endometriosis gave me pain about four of seven days a week), haven't taken a single prescription strength naproxen, haven't had a headache, and...embarassingly (but I'm putting it all out here) a fine layer of white "fuzzy face" on my jawline (thank G*d I'm blonde), which I was in constant maintenance to eliminate, has completely disappeared.

So, no pain, no nutso feelings, no fat face and no micro beard. Sounds like going off the Pill is a winning decision. So far, so good. I am taking a supplement that is all vegetable derived and is supposed to help detoxify the body of excess estrogen. I plan to keep taking it for at least these first three months...the approximation of time it takes to get normal after extended Pill use.

The challenge now will be to find a doctor who isn't prescription happy, who won't get weirded out by my desire to actively manage and research my health (though trust me...I'm not going to become a fanatic. I just feel smarter now...) and who will help me navigate my way through pre menopause.

I know this post is long and winding through the fields of estrogen, and I promise that this isn't what this blog will become. But it's heavy on my mind. I feel a responsibility to inform my obviously naive OBGYN to the downfalls of prescribing estrogen heavy birth control pills to patients with stage four endometriosis. I had surgery for that, dammit, and no wonder the symptoms came back...the very thing I had surgery for is fueled by estrogen. In a word, duh.

So...I guess...three weeks out, I'm better than I've been in a long time. I don't think it's all in my head. I think that I was headed for a bad spot in my wellness...the weight was packing on, the energy was zapped, the migraines frequent. I was becoming less and less me, and more and more the list of symptoms you hear at the end of a commercial.

I hope that wherever you are and whatever you're doing, you feel the best you can. If you don't, empower yourself. I'm by no means a know it all on this business...there are legitimate reasons to take the Pill! And I am not anti medicine. But I am pro knowledge, and that is a pretty comfortable place to be...

Home Again & Prophetic Dreams

So, I planned to post more on vacation than I did, but what can I say? The Internet connection was a little funky at times and we were busy.

But, we had a great time, got lots of sun, had a nice overnight in Nashville on the way home, and this morning, we went back to work. Young Man headed back to Columbus last evening and started a new job this morning: landscaping! I hope it wasn't too tough of a day for him...

Right now, Steinvic is at a Reds game with our friend, and I'm working on getting the house back in order.

I had some strange dreams on vacation, and before you think I've lost my marbles, let me say that I'm not trying to say I'm psychic, that I believe in ghosts, that I can communicate with the dead, that I'm special or anything like that.

But my Grandma visited me three times in my sleep on vacation. The third dream was a message for Young Man: watch out for spiders while you're landscaping. She showed me doorways where spiders were lurking and was specific in telling me that he needed to be careful. Okay...

The second and first dream, though, contained messages for me. And the message was clear: "Get off the pill! It's killing you!" In the first dream, she was wringing her hands with a dishcloth, just like I'd seen her do a million times in her comfortable kitchen.

In the second dream, she was more emphatic and aggitated. She was holding this very white baby, who I've seen her hold in my dreams before...the baby looks like he is made of china...he is so white and smooth. Somehow, I know his name is Samuel. In this dream, he is screaming and she is rocking and bouncing him, and she is telling me again, "Stop taking the pill! It's killing you! Do you hear me?"

It was so real, I woke with this lump in my throat. I got online and found all this information about the particular brand I've been taking, and about the symptoms of having excess estrogen, and about how the pill isn't a good solution for people who have endometriosis, even though it's commonly prescribed as a "fix."

I read the list of symptoms and there wasn't one that I haven't experienced. I felt this rush of heat to my face, and thought...how could I not have figured this out before? I've had four different doctors and none of them...no one listened to my symptoms and concluded that maybe the pill was hurting and not helping? Every single one of them ratched up the prescription, giving me stronger and stronger brands, never thinking that they were making me worse?

I went on the pill in my late teens and it was supposed to help with cramps. And aside from a few months, I've been on it ever since. I'll be 39 this year. No one ever said, "Hey...you've been on this almost 20 years. Lets give your body a break!" or "You know weight gain, depression, anxiety, splotchy skin, rashes, abnormalities in appetite, pain, swelling, bloating and fatigue are all signs of excessive estrogen, and since the pill contains estrogen, it's not the best solution for you?"

I know the Internet is full of false information, but this is info from reliable sites. I'm no dummy...I'm careful in my research.

So, I did something kinda crazy. I quit taking it. I didn't call my doctor first, I didn't wait and see, I just did what I felt urgently I needed to do.

This morning, two days off, I was really nauseous and dizzy. Hot and then cold. No appetite today. I'm better now and hungry, but not ravenous...not like usually, where I feel these waves of starvation and shakiness.

I know that coming off mega doses of hormones might suck, but you know what really sucks? The suspicion that I've wasted a lot of years feeling bad...and that I put my trust into doctors who didn't deserve it.

Probably more personal info in this post than you're used to getting from me, but maybe there is a lesson learned in this for someone else. I'll let you know how it goes!