Monday, June 7, 2010

Home Again & Prophetic Dreams

So, I planned to post more on vacation than I did, but what can I say? The Internet connection was a little funky at times and we were busy.

But, we had a great time, got lots of sun, had a nice overnight in Nashville on the way home, and this morning, we went back to work. Young Man headed back to Columbus last evening and started a new job this morning: landscaping! I hope it wasn't too tough of a day for him...

Right now, Steinvic is at a Reds game with our friend, and I'm working on getting the house back in order.

I had some strange dreams on vacation, and before you think I've lost my marbles, let me say that I'm not trying to say I'm psychic, that I believe in ghosts, that I can communicate with the dead, that I'm special or anything like that.

But my Grandma visited me three times in my sleep on vacation. The third dream was a message for Young Man: watch out for spiders while you're landscaping. She showed me doorways where spiders were lurking and was specific in telling me that he needed to be careful. Okay...

The second and first dream, though, contained messages for me. And the message was clear: "Get off the pill! It's killing you!" In the first dream, she was wringing her hands with a dishcloth, just like I'd seen her do a million times in her comfortable kitchen.

In the second dream, she was more emphatic and aggitated. She was holding this very white baby, who I've seen her hold in my dreams before...the baby looks like he is made of china...he is so white and smooth. Somehow, I know his name is Samuel. In this dream, he is screaming and she is rocking and bouncing him, and she is telling me again, "Stop taking the pill! It's killing you! Do you hear me?"

It was so real, I woke with this lump in my throat. I got online and found all this information about the particular brand I've been taking, and about the symptoms of having excess estrogen, and about how the pill isn't a good solution for people who have endometriosis, even though it's commonly prescribed as a "fix."

I read the list of symptoms and there wasn't one that I haven't experienced. I felt this rush of heat to my face, and could I not have figured this out before? I've had four different doctors and none of one listened to my symptoms and concluded that maybe the pill was hurting and not helping? Every single one of them ratched up the prescription, giving me stronger and stronger brands, never thinking that they were making me worse?

I went on the pill in my late teens and it was supposed to help with cramps. And aside from a few months, I've been on it ever since. I'll be 39 this year. No one ever said, "'ve been on this almost 20 years. Lets give your body a break!" or "You know weight gain, depression, anxiety, splotchy skin, rashes, abnormalities in appetite, pain, swelling, bloating and fatigue are all signs of excessive estrogen, and since the pill contains estrogen, it's not the best solution for you?"

I know the Internet is full of false information, but this is info from reliable sites. I'm no dummy...I'm careful in my research.

So, I did something kinda crazy. I quit taking it. I didn't call my doctor first, I didn't wait and see, I just did what I felt urgently I needed to do.

This morning, two days off, I was really nauseous and dizzy. Hot and then cold. No appetite today. I'm better now and hungry, but not ravenous...not like usually, where I feel these waves of starvation and shakiness.

I know that coming off mega doses of hormones might suck, but you know what really sucks? The suspicion that I've wasted a lot of years feeling bad...and that I put my trust into doctors who didn't deserve it.

Probably more personal info in this post than you're used to getting from me, but maybe there is a lesson learned in this for someone else. I'll let you know how it goes!


Ms. Pants said...

Are you trying to avoid more procreation? Maybe try a Mirena coil? (It's a 5 year IUD with slight slight slight hormones.)

I love that you listen to your dreams. So many people would just push those messages under the rug, chalk them up to a wacky dream brain. Good for you for listening. Your grandmother will be happy. :-)

Tangents & Tangles: said...

Hey, Ms. Pants... I don't have any kids of my own, and Steinvic and I are happy with Young Man only. (He is such a great kid!) Love kids, but at my age, I don't think that this is the time. I'm with the right man, but about 10 years older than I would want to be for me to be a momma (totally not criticizing those who have kids at my age and older...)
I have heard about Mirena and the side effects are too freaky for me at this point...but thanks for bringing it up. There was a brand before Mirena that a past doctor mentioned. I just think that right now, I want to see what I'm like without alteration. Really, I had like...five years of being "natural" and the rest of my life has been medically messed. Is it psycho that I don't trust any doctors right now!?

Tangents & Tangles: said...

p.s. Thank you for your thoughts on my Grandma... She is my E.F. Hutton. When she talks, I listen. If it is possible for our loved ones to communicate with us after they leave this place? She would communicate with me. I know that. So...just in case...