Random-andom-ding-ding

(I don't even know what that title means. My fingers did that all on their own...)

It's Monday again. We did make it to Columbus this weekend, saw some friends, had dinner, drank way too much, stayed downtown (in the hotel room that I thought was for last weekend), had a nice brunch, attended our family meeting and drove back to Cincinnati after.

All the while, my right eye has been watering. Originally inspired by allergies, I now suspect that my eye is jacked because makeup went into it (due to watering) which made it irritated which means that it continues to water. And water. And water. And burn. And then water some more. TOTALLY ANNOYING. I know what you sensible people out there are saying: "Why don't you just take a break from the eye makeup to let your eye calm down?" Are you kidding me?! That is like you asking Batman for the keys to the Batmobile, or asking Superman if you can blow your nose on his cape. Ain't happenin'! We'll just stick to the waterproof stuff until the watering subsides.

Our family meeting was interesting. You remember when I said last week that we'd gone to Columbus to take a phone to a family member who is down on his luck? Well, it's more than that. It's complicated and we were meeting to talk about what to do to best help the family member. (Actually, the family member was supposed to be there, but didn't show.) So...it goes on. It's a source of heartbreak and worry and praying. It's too much to write about just now. But that is where we were and why we were there.

I had an exam for work last week and even though I studied like crazy, I failed it...failing is 70% or worse. It was the final part of a three-part course of study. Something you may not know about me...I'm not a good test-taker. Actually, I would say that I am a horrible test-taker. Here is how it goes for me - I go into the room to sign in. I notice my hand is trembling a little when I pick up the pen to write. I actually write in the wrong space because I'm nervous. I sit at the computer assigned to me and I notice how bright the light seems, and how bright the computer screen is and how someone is chewing bubble gum and the smell is making me want to hurl. (And I really like bubble gum, so I don't know what that was about.) The test administrator says we can begin. The woman in the cubicle next to me is taking an open answer test, (the rest of us have multiple choice), so she is innocently typing her answers on the keypad. However, it is loud and distracting, like she may as well have been hammering keys in the same box that I'm in. I notice my heart is beating in my head. Words I'm reading aren't registering, so I'm reading the questions over and over. There are 85 of them. It takes me an hour and a half to fail. I knew I failed then but got the details today. I failed with a 68 or 69%...it's on a graph and kind of tough to tell where the line falls, but still...really close. I can take it again on my own dime and get reimbursed once I pass, but I have such a difficult time preparing for tests...I dread doing it all again. The goofy thing is that it's on a subject I know a lot about...we'll see what happens. I gotta psych myself up for it.

Steinvic bought a gorgeous pair of sneakers for me (and matching socks!) last week, and soon it will be warm enough to start back on our evening walks. My former shoes were so old and hard and I'd broken down all the padding, so these will be great. And, from a fashion perspective, they happen to match the awesome Reds hat Steinvic also got for me, so I am set! (And spoiled, I think...)

The time change has me completely out of whack. It will be great to have more daylight tonight, but it was hard getting up in the middle of the night (my 5:30 a.m. was actually 4:30 a.m.... ugh!)
Anyway...that is about it from here. Besides that I forgot to pack a lunch for today. Okay, now that's it from here...

In the Club

I've spent the last week joyfully changing my last name to match Steinvic's.

I actually had a colleague tell me that she was disappointed...that my maiden name "carried a lot of power" because it was the name I'd had most of my life, and a name I worked really hard to get back when I went through the divorce from Hell.

She has a point, but I really felt strongly about having the same last name as Steinvic, primarily because I adore him, and also because I love his family and what they stand for. I feel like I have a whole army of people who love and support me. While I know my Mom and her husband love me, too, I am grateful for the amount sincere welcoming and acceptance I've recieved from Steinvic's people. It's amazing.

Actually, I was the last of my last name. With my Dad dead, my sister married, my Mom remarried...well, it's an odd feeling. In one way, given everything in my life, I felt like a survivor, and wearing that last name was a reminder that I could stand on my own and handle anything thrown (hurled, catapulted, shot) at me.

But in another...well, there is something very lonely about being the last one standing. Our unique qualities can make us feel so different that we feel solitary.

And while I believe that as much as possible, I have always had Steinvic's understanding, having his last name makes me feel like I belong. Not in a possessive way, but in an accepting way. I'm one of the gang. I'm in the club.

And it's a damn fine place to be...

The Rest of the Story

There was a lot going on behind the scenes this weekend, but it's turned out just fine, for the most part.

Steinvic's Mom was in the hospital Friday and Saturday. I know...I didn't say anything about it here, but sometimes, if there is something big enough going on, I can't find the words to do the event justice.

But now that everything is OK...now that she is home and safe, we're fine. Whatever is wrong, doesn't seem to be serious enough to merit immediate action, so there will be more tests and we just pray she is going to be fine.

There was a loss in our extended family, too...an outstanding man who was a great, positive influence in his family. I didn't really get to know him, but I do know he will live on through the good lessons he delivered lovingly.

So much going on in the wings. But we feel fortunate to have Steinvic's Mom healthy. To have people who love and support us right here, cheering us on. More on that later...

Arizona is Amazing...

We are here! Arizona is just as clear and hot and beautiful as it was when we left it a year ago. According to the news, it was 102 today. It didn't feel that hot, though...not at all like Ohio hot.

Look at me, resorting to talking about the weather, like we don't know each other. The real news is that I slept last night like I haven't slept in about a year. I sleep at Steinvic's aunt and uncle's like I used to sleep at my Grandma's: solid. I don't sleep this well anywhere else. I probably turned in around 9:00 p.m. Arizona time and didn't wake until 7:30 this morning. No nightmares, no dinosaurs, nothing.

We're getting ready to go out for the evening. Just to a local we're fond of. Last night was aunts and uncles and hugs and kisses and all the things we live all year for. Tonight is just being. I really thank goodness for these people. It's peaceful here. I so needed this time...

More tomorrow...or so...

The Days...They Fly By...

I realize I haven't posted in a while...you might be thinking it's because I've fully given in to my OCD desires and that I've been doing nothing but vacuuming for the last week and a half.

But that just isn't so...

Instead, I've just been up to a little of this and that. In the evenings, keeping on the exercise train.

It has snowed here two days this week and while there is no accumulation, it's a sign that Winter still has it's cold, bare branches wrapped around Spring's young throat. Winter needs to eff off.

Besides all that, I've beeen helping my Mom ready her house for the family Easter dinner.

My Mom, her husband and I have rearranged furniture, dusted, polished, vacuumed, name it. It looks lovely. It's ready for family.

Steinvic is coming down tomorrow night (he took off Good Friday) which is wonderful and I'm totally looking forward to the extra evening with him this weekend, thought I have to get up and go in to work on Friday morning. Still, I get to leave early that day and when I get home, he'll already be there. As simple as that sounds, it's a treat we don't get to enjoy so often since we're in different cities.

Steinvic wanted to contribute to the celebration and so he is buying/picking up/transporting the Easter Ham. Even though I'm a vegetarian, I think it's a really special idea and my Mom (and the other guests, too!) will certainly enjoy and appreciate it. (Thank you for making the extra effort, babe!) I hope his son can join us, too.

We might meet up with a friend of ours on Friday night, if her schedule allows, and then on Saturday with another friend and his new girlfriend.

I'm looking forward to the weekend big time and it's only Wednesday! I swear I'm not wishing the week away...just can't wait for time with Steinvic, our family and friends.

Isn't that what it's all about?