So, with all the traveling Steinvic does, I bought him a Nook Simple Reader for Valentine's Day. I have the original Nook that he gave me a few years ago, and he's been taking that with him to Columbus during the week, which is totally fine with me, but I haven't been using it at all. Originally, I thought I'd just get him a gift card to load more books onto it, but then started thinking that he needed his own. So I got the Simple and presented it to him early, telling him that if he instead wanted the loaded Tablet, he could upgrade. (In my mind, there was no point in getting the Nook Color...the difference between it and the Tablet is a whopping $50...so why not go full tilt?)
I gave it to him early so he could play with it and get it all set up and start loading stuff on it here...where he stays in Cbus has no Internet.
And I pretty much told him that I have been obsessed with a hamsa necklace for months and months and that I really wanted to buy it. He said, "Happy Valentine's Day!" So that is my gift from him...early, too.
The reason that all of this is so unusual is that we'd agreed on no gifts this year, and instead ended up getting for each other the most elaborate, extravagant gifts for Valentine's Day that we ever have! We typically keep it to getting each other sweet cards, and I either get flowers or candy or both from him and I make him something or get him a bottle of 12-year Jameson's. We planned to keep it super low key this year because we have a couple trips coming up.
But you know what? Sometimes you gotta live a little.
So, Steinvic is sitting next to me, setting up his new toy, and I felt inspired to put a bunch of new music on my iPod Touch in preparation for our trips.
It feels like we're pretty high tech here now.
Which is out of the norm, but pretty darn nice...
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
I Love Zappos
I love Zappos. And let me tell you why.
I ordered two pairs of spiffy Clarks through Zappos for Steinvic as part of his birthday present. He really needed good shoes.
One of the pair were sandals…the slip-on kind. He doesn’t own any and it’s been so hella hot here, I thought this would be a great option for him so his feet would be nice and cool when we’re chillin’.
Sadly, the suckers slipped right off as he walked. He had to kind of flex his foot as he wore them to keep them on and we all know (those of us who wear slip-on shoes, that is) that foot flexin’ is the best way to get to achy feet and calves.
So I put in for a return and found him a pair that had an ankle strappy thing so they’d stay on and be more comfortable.
When I did the return, there was a comments section, like…were you displeased with us/could we have done something better to help and I said something like, “No way! You guys rock and the sandals were beautiful. They just didn’t stay on my husband’s feet and I’m now ordering a different style. Thanks for the free return shipping!”
That night, I checked online to see the order status for the new sandals and I had an email from Zappos. It basically said, “We’ve got a surprise for you…we’ve upgraded you to overnight shipping! For free. You’ll get your shoes tomorrow! Hope this makes your day.”
Indeed! So, I replied to the email to say thank you for that…and then I thought…maybe this is one of those "do not reply notifications." But I nosed around and it didn’t seem to be…didn’t say that anywhere.
So, I said something like, “Thank you so much for upgrading our shipping. We already enjoy shopping with Zappos! I’ve served customers all my life and seeing great attention like this is really impressive. Thank you again!”
I didn’t expect a reply at all. I just wanted them to know that we really appreciated their thoughtfulness.
But five minutes later, I had the nicest reply that said our account had been upgraded to VIP status and that from now on, we’d get free next business day delivery and priority returns.
Wow. How do you like that?
Zappos, you’re doing a fine job and I hope you keep it up! We will shop your site first for clothes, shoes, beauty and housewares going forward!
I ordered two pairs of spiffy Clarks through Zappos for Steinvic as part of his birthday present. He really needed good shoes.
One of the pair were sandals…the slip-on kind. He doesn’t own any and it’s been so hella hot here, I thought this would be a great option for him so his feet would be nice and cool when we’re chillin’.
Sadly, the suckers slipped right off as he walked. He had to kind of flex his foot as he wore them to keep them on and we all know (those of us who wear slip-on shoes, that is) that foot flexin’ is the best way to get to achy feet and calves.
So I put in for a return and found him a pair that had an ankle strappy thing so they’d stay on and be more comfortable.
When I did the return, there was a comments section, like…were you displeased with us/could we have done something better to help and I said something like, “No way! You guys rock and the sandals were beautiful. They just didn’t stay on my husband’s feet and I’m now ordering a different style. Thanks for the free return shipping!”
That night, I checked online to see the order status for the new sandals and I had an email from Zappos. It basically said, “We’ve got a surprise for you…we’ve upgraded you to overnight shipping! For free. You’ll get your shoes tomorrow! Hope this makes your day.”
Indeed! So, I replied to the email to say thank you for that…and then I thought…maybe this is one of those "do not reply notifications." But I nosed around and it didn’t seem to be…didn’t say that anywhere.
So, I said something like, “Thank you so much for upgrading our shipping. We already enjoy shopping with Zappos! I’ve served customers all my life and seeing great attention like this is really impressive. Thank you again!”
I didn’t expect a reply at all. I just wanted them to know that we really appreciated their thoughtfulness.
But five minutes later, I had the nicest reply that said our account had been upgraded to VIP status and that from now on, we’d get free next business day delivery and priority returns.
Wow. How do you like that?
Zappos, you’re doing a fine job and I hope you keep it up! We will shop your site first for clothes, shoes, beauty and housewares going forward!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Lost and Found
I don't know what you believe...but I believe that things in this Universe link up. Some times the world seems to listen and respond.
It's not Divine, necessarily. It's not exactly predestination. But I do sometimes find that things align and unfold and regroup, often coming together beautifully.
When Steinvic and I married, I had a special bracelet made for him. It was my design, hand-crafted by a woman who made a necklace for him long ago, on my design, for his birthday that we spent together.
It was magnificent. Odd and sentimental and one-of-a-kind.
And right after we returned from our January, belated honeymoon (we married in October), it disappeared.
We searched high and low. We retraced our steps, emptied closets, searched furniture. I actually picked a fight...I was so upset and Steinvic seemed apathetic, which was in reality, fear and disbelief that it was gone and maybe a little hope that he'd find it before I discovered it missing.
We even contacted the airline, since airport security was the last place we could firmly remember him having it. We thought he'd skipped putting it on, (because it was a little awkward to put on and take off), and tucked it into his pocket, planning to put it on when we got settled on the plane. I remembered putting our jackets into the overhead and hearing a clank...at the time, I attributed that to our jacket zippers.
We received a truly kind, personal email from our airline...no bracelet was found.
And so, in these weeks, we resigned ourselves to the fact that the bracelet was gone forever. It made us sad.
And we talked about a new design...one that was similar, but not exactly the same, because I didn't like the idea of another, identical to the original, existing without being attached to us...just on the chance that it had been found by a stranger.
Tonight, I ran errands after work. Steinvic is working in Cbus and will be home tomorrow. I found clearance shirts at Macy's and did my MAC recycling so I could get a free lipstick. I went to WalMart to see the puppy beds we'd shopped online in person. I came home, exercised, did some laundry and sewed a little.
I misplaced the needle-threader my Mom got me and was pulling seat cushions off the couch, thinking it fell between them.
I went downstairs to get the vaccuum and got ready to sweep the whole room...I started to get the feeling that I'd accidentally thrown the threader away. But just in case, I wanted to vaccuum...it's a thin wire and I didn't want our new puppy to find it.
I pulled the cushion off the loveseat one last time, looking for the threader and then pulled off the other cushion...
And there was the bracelet! Found! Home. Here with us, even though we both were sure we'd looked there previously.
I cried. I kissed the bracelet. I texted a photo of it to Steinvic. I called my Mom to tell her. Steinvic called me right away and was so happy.
It's not the monetary value...it's totally the sentiment.
I don't put a lot of stock into things. As I've said before, I lost everything I owned in a horrible hurricane (that was my past life) and so, as a result, I don't care so much care about material things.
But a few, select, sentimental things...things that I meant for precious people to have...
I'm so grateful. I had written something special for Steinvic on our dry-erase board earlier tonight and I like to think that had something to do with this remarkable find...
No matter the cause, I am thankful.
Everything is as it should be. And I am lucky for a thousand reasons...
It's not Divine, necessarily. It's not exactly predestination. But I do sometimes find that things align and unfold and regroup, often coming together beautifully.
When Steinvic and I married, I had a special bracelet made for him. It was my design, hand-crafted by a woman who made a necklace for him long ago, on my design, for his birthday that we spent together.
It was magnificent. Odd and sentimental and one-of-a-kind.
And right after we returned from our January, belated honeymoon (we married in October), it disappeared.
We searched high and low. We retraced our steps, emptied closets, searched furniture. I actually picked a fight...I was so upset and Steinvic seemed apathetic, which was in reality, fear and disbelief that it was gone and maybe a little hope that he'd find it before I discovered it missing.
We even contacted the airline, since airport security was the last place we could firmly remember him having it. We thought he'd skipped putting it on, (because it was a little awkward to put on and take off), and tucked it into his pocket, planning to put it on when we got settled on the plane. I remembered putting our jackets into the overhead and hearing a clank...at the time, I attributed that to our jacket zippers.
We received a truly kind, personal email from our airline...no bracelet was found.
And so, in these weeks, we resigned ourselves to the fact that the bracelet was gone forever. It made us sad.
And we talked about a new design...one that was similar, but not exactly the same, because I didn't like the idea of another, identical to the original, existing without being attached to us...just on the chance that it had been found by a stranger.
Tonight, I ran errands after work. Steinvic is working in Cbus and will be home tomorrow. I found clearance shirts at Macy's and did my MAC recycling so I could get a free lipstick. I went to WalMart to see the puppy beds we'd shopped online in person. I came home, exercised, did some laundry and sewed a little.
I misplaced the needle-threader my Mom got me and was pulling seat cushions off the couch, thinking it fell between them.
I went downstairs to get the vaccuum and got ready to sweep the whole room...I started to get the feeling that I'd accidentally thrown the threader away. But just in case, I wanted to vaccuum...it's a thin wire and I didn't want our new puppy to find it.
I pulled the cushion off the loveseat one last time, looking for the threader and then pulled off the other cushion...
And there was the bracelet! Found! Home. Here with us, even though we both were sure we'd looked there previously.
I cried. I kissed the bracelet. I texted a photo of it to Steinvic. I called my Mom to tell her. Steinvic called me right away and was so happy.
It's not the monetary value...it's totally the sentiment.
I don't put a lot of stock into things. As I've said before, I lost everything I owned in a horrible hurricane (that was my past life) and so, as a result, I don't care so much care about material things.
But a few, select, sentimental things...things that I meant for precious people to have...
I'm so grateful. I had written something special for Steinvic on our dry-erase board earlier tonight and I like to think that had something to do with this remarkable find...
No matter the cause, I am thankful.
Everything is as it should be. And I am lucky for a thousand reasons...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Something Right
Nothing can chase away funky feelings like having something to look forward to. I was really ready for Steinvic to get home from Columbus. I'd started cooking before he got home and when he arrived, we had some wine and caught up while dinner cooked.
It was so great to have him home. Sometimes, even an overnight can seem like a long time.
And it felt good to be in comfy pants, cooking away, in our tiny kitchen.
I made vegetarian Shepherd's Pie using a "recipe" I completely winged, based on things I've seen and read.
It included white onion, celery, a yellow bell pepper, carrots, turnips, parnips, potatoes, zucchini and mushrooms. I made a "vegetarian gravy" and after heating all the veggies and spicing them, layered everything in a pan to bake. I sprinkled a very sparse layer of cheddar and Parmesan and then topped with potatoes I piped through a press.
And I have to say, I felt like I'd done something right...
Isn't it pretty? Steinvic said, "Do not forget how you made this! It's perfect!" I will do my best.
Here's to feeling like I can accomplish something...which isn't about making Shepherd's Pie. It's making someone feel like his homecoming is a really big deal.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Best Intentions
I totally believed I'd post here this past weekend, and I didn't. I did sleep in a little bit each day, and I did wake and clean and organize some cabinets. I did sew and cook and dust. I spent time with Steinvic.
But I didn't post here.
There are some things that are going on that I would like to write about. But there are some things that are too difficult to write about.
My poetry guru would tell me to write about it even if I was too close to it. Even if I didn't let another soul read it now.
But I can't.
Steinvic and I are fine. Closer than ever. But someone we love deeply is in real trouble and our family is trying to get a grasp on it.
It doesn't seem right to write about it now. And yet, I can hardly think of anything else.
So...just for tonight, take some time to actually count your blessings. Hug everyone you love extra close. Thank G*d for your sanity, your health and a solid roof over your head. We are so lucky...
But I didn't post here.
There are some things that are going on that I would like to write about. But there are some things that are too difficult to write about.
My poetry guru would tell me to write about it even if I was too close to it. Even if I didn't let another soul read it now.
But I can't.
Steinvic and I are fine. Closer than ever. But someone we love deeply is in real trouble and our family is trying to get a grasp on it.
It doesn't seem right to write about it now. And yet, I can hardly think of anything else.
So...just for tonight, take some time to actually count your blessings. Hug everyone you love extra close. Thank G*d for your sanity, your health and a solid roof over your head. We are so lucky...
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The Rest of the Story
There was a lot going on behind the scenes this weekend, but it's turned out just fine, for the most part.
Steinvic's Mom was in the hospital Friday and Saturday. I know...I didn't say anything about it here, but sometimes, if there is something big enough going on, I can't find the words to do the event justice.
But now that everything is OK...now that she is home and safe, we're fine. Whatever is wrong, doesn't seem to be serious enough to merit immediate action, so there will be more tests and we just pray she is going to be fine.
There was a loss in our extended family, too...an outstanding man who was a great, positive influence in his family. I didn't really get to know him, but I do know he will live on through the good lessons he delivered lovingly.
So much going on in the wings. But we feel fortunate to have Steinvic's Mom healthy. To have people who love and support us right here, cheering us on. More on that later...
Steinvic's Mom was in the hospital Friday and Saturday. I know...I didn't say anything about it here, but sometimes, if there is something big enough going on, I can't find the words to do the event justice.
But now that everything is OK...now that she is home and safe, we're fine. Whatever is wrong, doesn't seem to be serious enough to merit immediate action, so there will be more tests and we just pray she is going to be fine.
There was a loss in our extended family, too...an outstanding man who was a great, positive influence in his family. I didn't really get to know him, but I do know he will live on through the good lessons he delivered lovingly.
So much going on in the wings. But we feel fortunate to have Steinvic's Mom healthy. To have people who love and support us right here, cheering us on. More on that later...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
More Birthday...
Are you birthdayed out yet? Because mine was yesterday, and Steinvic made it really special.
We had a nice drink at home after work, then went to Asiatique for dinner. He'd even gone through the trouble of checking it out for me beforehand, to make sure it had good vegetarian options, which it did: YUMMY crispy, spicy tofu. And, he also thoughtfully tried the creme brule dessert flight on that sample lunch he'd had...you know, just to make sure it was good and that I'd like it, since I'm not a dessert person. (The sacrifices we go through for those we love...) That treat was one of the best I've ever had and I'll never forget it: four little shot glass sized creme brules and two baby spoons to taste them with, and a smudge of blackberry syrup across the tray. Each brule was different and included unusual flavors like green tea, espresso, mango and berry. Very amazing and a perfect compliment to our great service and dinner.
We stopped at our local, just for a little bit, and then home. I'd asked Steinvic to keep my birthday simple, and he ignored me. I received a Nook WiFi, which I'm learning all about and it is so very cool. And a gorgeous 14 megapixel Sony camera, since he was feeling bad for me, having to apply Scotch tape to ours each time I charged the battery (I still love that camera and it's captured a thousand special memories for us...) And an hour long massage from our friend's salon. REALLY extravagant gifts that he didn't have to treat me with, but that I know we'll use, enjoy and have for a long time.
The greatest gift? My life here with him. Tonight I got home, rode ten miles on the bike and caught up on True Blood. He came home and started ironing, while I tossed us a big salad made with produce my parents had brought to us. Now, we've got the TV on and we're just here, cozy, and it feels so normal and wonderful and precious...just a really nice night. I would have none of this feeling without him. Everything I ever wanted and never thought I'd have. Yeah, I'm a big sap. A big, grateful, happy sap.
OH...and before I forget, my parents took us to Bravo on Sunday night and it was the best visit. They gave us generous gifts, too...promise to do a photo post with the new camera in the next day or so. For now, I'm going to play with my Nook. :)
We had a nice drink at home after work, then went to Asiatique for dinner. He'd even gone through the trouble of checking it out for me beforehand, to make sure it had good vegetarian options, which it did: YUMMY crispy, spicy tofu. And, he also thoughtfully tried the creme brule dessert flight on that sample lunch he'd had...you know, just to make sure it was good and that I'd like it, since I'm not a dessert person. (The sacrifices we go through for those we love...) That treat was one of the best I've ever had and I'll never forget it: four little shot glass sized creme brules and two baby spoons to taste them with, and a smudge of blackberry syrup across the tray. Each brule was different and included unusual flavors like green tea, espresso, mango and berry. Very amazing and a perfect compliment to our great service and dinner.
We stopped at our local, just for a little bit, and then home. I'd asked Steinvic to keep my birthday simple, and he ignored me. I received a Nook WiFi, which I'm learning all about and it is so very cool. And a gorgeous 14 megapixel Sony camera, since he was feeling bad for me, having to apply Scotch tape to ours each time I charged the battery (I still love that camera and it's captured a thousand special memories for us...) And an hour long massage from our friend's salon. REALLY extravagant gifts that he didn't have to treat me with, but that I know we'll use, enjoy and have for a long time.
The greatest gift? My life here with him. Tonight I got home, rode ten miles on the bike and caught up on True Blood. He came home and started ironing, while I tossed us a big salad made with produce my parents had brought to us. Now, we've got the TV on and we're just here, cozy, and it feels so normal and wonderful and precious...just a really nice night. I would have none of this feeling without him. Everything I ever wanted and never thought I'd have. Yeah, I'm a big sap. A big, grateful, happy sap.
OH...and before I forget, my parents took us to Bravo on Sunday night and it was the best visit. They gave us generous gifts, too...promise to do a photo post with the new camera in the next day or so. For now, I'm going to play with my Nook. :)
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Valentine's Day!
As I type this, my Valentine is heading back to Columbus in order to get ahead of the next wave of snow we're supposed to start getting at midnight tonight. While I would rather he be here to celebrate all of this day with me, I'm waaaaaaaaaaay more interested in his safety. We're supposed to have 3-6 inches by morning and I'd hate for him to drive through that...
We had a great weekend anyway! Steinvic sent these on Thursday:
Aren't they gorgeous? And when he arrived on Friday, presented me with a dozen of these:
Decadent and wonderful...I've never had anything like it and I think it's replaced my original favorite dessert, Baklava. (Because of my perpetual diet, I don't usually eat treats, but when I do, it's wonderful to have something so beautiful, thoughtful and fresh.)
We made our way downtown to a friend's art gallery opening. It was a really nice evening...her gallery was located in a different part of downtown, and she recently moved. Her new gallery is lush and open, floor to ceiling windows with amazing views of downtown on all sides. As this celebration was at night, we enjoyed the twinkling lights of the city. It was a great way to start our weekend. We went to our local after and had lots of cocktails and stayed out way later than we normally would, but it was fun and much needed.
Yesterday, I cooked a little, rode 13 miles, and stayed nestled in for most of the day, then restocked our bar at the corner store (we are now prepared for snow storms!), then met up with J and another friend or two showed up later. It was so good to visit and I think everyone had a fun time. J was worried that she was infringing on our Valentine's time but we were really happy to see her...it had been too long since we'd had some grown up time all together. What better way to spend your time than with the people you dig most?!
Today, sleeping in and brunch, then I prepared a big pot of potato soup. I rode 12 miles and we watched The Invention of Lying. And I made a necklace. I've been doing that a lot lately in my spare minutes. My Mom recently gave me all of her beading supplies - totally generous - because she decided she is dedicating her time to other projects. (She used to make necklaces for my Grandma.) There are A LOT of beads and tools to choose from! Sometimes, I am exacting (silver bead every nine green beads, etc.) but more often, I find I like the results of freestyle beading:
So, now I'm just waiting to hear from Steinvic, that he is home safe and sound. I'm going to make a drink, experiment with the new eyeliner I just bought, and watch TV. I miss my Valentine already, but I'm so thankful to have such a fantastic person to love completely for the rest of my days.
Hope that you're having a special Valentine's Day, with those who are precious to you. Be sure to do something nice for yourself!
p.s. Text from Steinvic...he is home safe!
We had a great weekend anyway! Steinvic sent these on Thursday:
Aren't they gorgeous? And when he arrived on Friday, presented me with a dozen of these:
Decadent and wonderful...I've never had anything like it and I think it's replaced my original favorite dessert, Baklava. (Because of my perpetual diet, I don't usually eat treats, but when I do, it's wonderful to have something so beautiful, thoughtful and fresh.)
We made our way downtown to a friend's art gallery opening. It was a really nice evening...her gallery was located in a different part of downtown, and she recently moved. Her new gallery is lush and open, floor to ceiling windows with amazing views of downtown on all sides. As this celebration was at night, we enjoyed the twinkling lights of the city. It was a great way to start our weekend. We went to our local after and had lots of cocktails and stayed out way later than we normally would, but it was fun and much needed.
Yesterday, I cooked a little, rode 13 miles, and stayed nestled in for most of the day, then restocked our bar at the corner store (we are now prepared for snow storms!), then met up with J and another friend or two showed up later. It was so good to visit and I think everyone had a fun time. J was worried that she was infringing on our Valentine's time but we were really happy to see her...it had been too long since we'd had some grown up time all together. What better way to spend your time than with the people you dig most?!
Today, sleeping in and brunch, then I prepared a big pot of potato soup. I rode 12 miles and we watched The Invention of Lying. And I made a necklace. I've been doing that a lot lately in my spare minutes. My Mom recently gave me all of her beading supplies - totally generous - because she decided she is dedicating her time to other projects. (She used to make necklaces for my Grandma.) There are A LOT of beads and tools to choose from! Sometimes, I am exacting (silver bead every nine green beads, etc.) but more often, I find I like the results of freestyle beading:
So, now I'm just waiting to hear from Steinvic, that he is home safe and sound. I'm going to make a drink, experiment with the new eyeliner I just bought, and watch TV. I miss my Valentine already, but I'm so thankful to have such a fantastic person to love completely for the rest of my days.
Hope that you're having a special Valentine's Day, with those who are precious to you. Be sure to do something nice for yourself!
p.s. Text from Steinvic...he is home safe!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Finding My Direction
I'm here and with the help of Steinvic, survived what I thought would be the toughest time of my life.
I made it to Columbus on Friday night and was greeted with the biggest hug imaginable from Steinvic. And a card, and a small stuffed friend and a giant glass of vodka and club soda. (And a scratch off lottery ticket, because well...we're always hopeful.)I have loved him for so long, but how I realized just how much I also need him as soon as I saw his face.
He listened to all the things I'd been thinking and feeling through the course of the day on Friday. I have to tell you...I wasn't feeling much. Totally locked out. But he listened. Our friends listened. And I was glad to be there.
He told me that at the resort that was hosting our Family Reunion, he had made a reservation for me at the spa for a de-stressing massage and a facial. I had never had a spa experience and he said he felt I needed it now more than ever. I didn't even know what to say.
We arrived at the resort and he and his son dropped me off at the spa. I had a fifty-minute massage ("You have a lot of tension in your shoulders..." you think?!)and a thirty-minute facial. New dress we'd found last week and hosiery and shoes. The best company and comforting from his siblings and their special others. Thoughtful cards and sincere sympathy amidst the happy family banter.
It was exactly what I needed. Princess treatment and love like I've never felt before. My Grandma would be so happy to know that I have such love surrounding me. That is what she would have chosen for me, had she the power.
I didn't go to work today. My jaw has been locked up for days and finally hit a max. I woke up with a hellacious headache. Steinvic stayed home with me...he didn't have to, but said that he told his boss he needed to take care of me.
I am not accustomed - even with as devoted as Steinvic has been - to being taken care of. For the first time ever, I'm allowing it to happen. How will I ever thank him and his family?
I'll go back to the real world tomorrow. A world where I don't have the compass I had before in my Grandma, but a world in which I think I can make it...with a little help from the people who really, truly love me.
I really, really miss my sweet friend. But I am so thankful for the people who remain here on this planet to love and guide me.
I made it to Columbus on Friday night and was greeted with the biggest hug imaginable from Steinvic. And a card, and a small stuffed friend and a giant glass of vodka and club soda. (And a scratch off lottery ticket, because well...we're always hopeful.)I have loved him for so long, but how I realized just how much I also need him as soon as I saw his face.
He listened to all the things I'd been thinking and feeling through the course of the day on Friday. I have to tell you...I wasn't feeling much. Totally locked out. But he listened. Our friends listened. And I was glad to be there.
He told me that at the resort that was hosting our Family Reunion, he had made a reservation for me at the spa for a de-stressing massage and a facial. I had never had a spa experience and he said he felt I needed it now more than ever. I didn't even know what to say.
We arrived at the resort and he and his son dropped me off at the spa. I had a fifty-minute massage ("You have a lot of tension in your shoulders..." you think?!)and a thirty-minute facial. New dress we'd found last week and hosiery and shoes. The best company and comforting from his siblings and their special others. Thoughtful cards and sincere sympathy amidst the happy family banter.
It was exactly what I needed. Princess treatment and love like I've never felt before. My Grandma would be so happy to know that I have such love surrounding me. That is what she would have chosen for me, had she the power.
I didn't go to work today. My jaw has been locked up for days and finally hit a max. I woke up with a hellacious headache. Steinvic stayed home with me...he didn't have to, but said that he told his boss he needed to take care of me.
I am not accustomed - even with as devoted as Steinvic has been - to being taken care of. For the first time ever, I'm allowing it to happen. How will I ever thank him and his family?
I'll go back to the real world tomorrow. A world where I don't have the compass I had before in my Grandma, but a world in which I think I can make it...with a little help from the people who really, truly love me.
I really, really miss my sweet friend. But I am so thankful for the people who remain here on this planet to love and guide me.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Sail On, Silver Girl...
This morning, around 2:20, my Grandma left this existence and now - at least I believe - understands everything.
My heart is heavy (I now know what that expression means) and I go through moments of feeling completely resolved to feeling absolutely lost. She was my compass. She was my friend. And she was a fantastic grandmother.
My Grandma was a surprise baby born to parents in their midlives...something that was pretty much unheard of in 1918. When people told her expecting mother how sorry they were to hear about her "predicament," my great-grandmother replied with, "Don't you feel sorry for me! This baby is going to be the greatest blessing of our lives." And she was.
I could go on and on about how wonderful and talented my Grandma was and tell you all the things she's accomplished. But it won't really matter to you...no offense meant by that...it's just that you didn't know her except through me. But maybe this will give you an idea of the kind of woman she was. Plus, it's one of my favorite memories of her...
When my parents split up, I had just graduated from high school. In a nutshell, life sucked. We had no money, Mom was out of her mind from her 30+ year marriage ending, and my sister (yes, I have one of those, though I don't really talk about it here) was very into her own life so it was pretty much me on my own. I had a job but no car, and my Grandma volunteered to take me to and from college and work. I saw her just about every day.
It was evident to her that I was not eating, so she began showing up early to drive me to work. "Have you eaten?" she'd ask. Before I knew it, we were at the mall food court with a tray of food that I wasn't interested in. But she'd get me talking and before long, I'd eaten half a baked potato. Or half a sandwich. Or something. But the fact is, she'd get me to eat. Sometimes, I'd go dump our trays and when I'd return to the table and she'd be gone.
The first time this happened, I thought she was in the ladies room. After a few minutes, I started to worry. Until I heard, "Yooo hooo! Over here!"
I turned to see my Grandma going round on the full-size carousel that was in the game area of the mall. She was laughing and laughing and after a few seconds, I started laughing, too. I laughed until I cried. And then I got on, too. And this became our thing.
And that is my Grandma.
We had a tough visit on Wednesday. She was suffering and trapped. She wasn't herself. But last night was different and I'm thankful. She was very weak, but her hallucinations weren't scary. At one point, she asked that I pull back the drapes. She said, "I'm living inside a big flower garden," and I told her that was a nice place to be. She told me about the tree in her room and how she takes a leaf from it every day. She fell asleep for a moment and she must have been dreaming she was on the phone, because I heard her say, "Okay, I'll talk to you later! Bye bye!" in her bright and cheery way. And she told me she dreamt that she was "shopping for a big affair." We said our I love you's and she squeezed my hand and said, "Be safe." When I promised I would and said not to worry, she whispered, "besafe, besafe, besafe..."
Last night, Steinvic called, which he has been so dutiful about since this began, and I told him that I really hoped Grandma would die in her sleep. In the night, she felt like she couldn't breathe as easily, so they gave her a sedative, just to relax her, but that was the little push she needed to help her over to where she so desperately needed to be.
I can't even describe how I feel today. I'm at work, because that is how I cope. I will leave to go see my Mom this afternoon and then I will head north to be with Steinvic. That is where Mom says my Grandma wants me to be...
My heart is heavy (I now know what that expression means) and I go through moments of feeling completely resolved to feeling absolutely lost. She was my compass. She was my friend. And she was a fantastic grandmother.
My Grandma was a surprise baby born to parents in their midlives...something that was pretty much unheard of in 1918. When people told her expecting mother how sorry they were to hear about her "predicament," my great-grandmother replied with, "Don't you feel sorry for me! This baby is going to be the greatest blessing of our lives." And she was.
I could go on and on about how wonderful and talented my Grandma was and tell you all the things she's accomplished. But it won't really matter to you...no offense meant by that...it's just that you didn't know her except through me. But maybe this will give you an idea of the kind of woman she was. Plus, it's one of my favorite memories of her...
When my parents split up, I had just graduated from high school. In a nutshell, life sucked. We had no money, Mom was out of her mind from her 30+ year marriage ending, and my sister (yes, I have one of those, though I don't really talk about it here) was very into her own life so it was pretty much me on my own. I had a job but no car, and my Grandma volunteered to take me to and from college and work. I saw her just about every day.
It was evident to her that I was not eating, so she began showing up early to drive me to work. "Have you eaten?" she'd ask. Before I knew it, we were at the mall food court with a tray of food that I wasn't interested in. But she'd get me talking and before long, I'd eaten half a baked potato. Or half a sandwich. Or something. But the fact is, she'd get me to eat. Sometimes, I'd go dump our trays and when I'd return to the table and she'd be gone.
The first time this happened, I thought she was in the ladies room. After a few minutes, I started to worry. Until I heard, "Yooo hooo! Over here!"
I turned to see my Grandma going round on the full-size carousel that was in the game area of the mall. She was laughing and laughing and after a few seconds, I started laughing, too. I laughed until I cried. And then I got on, too. And this became our thing.
And that is my Grandma.
We had a tough visit on Wednesday. She was suffering and trapped. She wasn't herself. But last night was different and I'm thankful. She was very weak, but her hallucinations weren't scary. At one point, she asked that I pull back the drapes. She said, "I'm living inside a big flower garden," and I told her that was a nice place to be. She told me about the tree in her room and how she takes a leaf from it every day. She fell asleep for a moment and she must have been dreaming she was on the phone, because I heard her say, "Okay, I'll talk to you later! Bye bye!" in her bright and cheery way. And she told me she dreamt that she was "shopping for a big affair." We said our I love you's and she squeezed my hand and said, "Be safe." When I promised I would and said not to worry, she whispered, "besafe, besafe, besafe..."
Last night, Steinvic called, which he has been so dutiful about since this began, and I told him that I really hoped Grandma would die in her sleep. In the night, she felt like she couldn't breathe as easily, so they gave her a sedative, just to relax her, but that was the little push she needed to help her over to where she so desperately needed to be.
I can't even describe how I feel today. I'm at work, because that is how I cope. I will leave to go see my Mom this afternoon and then I will head north to be with Steinvic. That is where Mom says my Grandma wants me to be...
Monday, June 15, 2009
For Steinvic
To my best, sweetest, loyal, true Friend -
I know we talked about it, but I'm putting it in writing, too. I've been thinking a lot this weekend, thinking more than I was talking. I want you to know that I now see the big difference between being vulnerable and being flawed. And being stupid. I'm actually through with all of that. (I'm kind of a slow learner, but obviously, eventually, I get it.)
Thank you for your unending patience and love. It only gets better from here. You have my word.
You really are the best...
p.s. The image may be a little hokey, but I have made a promise, and since I'm also cleaning up my act...well...hopefully, it brings a smile.
p.p.s. There is, apparently, a right way and a wrong way to flip eggs for eggs over easy. Guess which method I've been using all these times I've tried to make them for you? (And apparently, frustration and tears are not required ingredients...)
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