Monday, August 17, 2009

Finding My Direction

I'm here and with the help of Steinvic, survived what I thought would be the toughest time of my life.

I made it to Columbus on Friday night and was greeted with the biggest hug imaginable from Steinvic. And a card, and a small stuffed friend and a giant glass of vodka and club soda. (And a scratch off lottery ticket, because well...we're always hopeful.)I have loved him for so long, but how I realized just how much I also need him as soon as I saw his face.

He listened to all the things I'd been thinking and feeling through the course of the day on Friday. I have to tell you...I wasn't feeling much. Totally locked out. But he listened. Our friends listened. And I was glad to be there.

He told me that at the resort that was hosting our Family Reunion, he had made a reservation for me at the spa for a de-stressing massage and a facial. I had never had a spa experience and he said he felt I needed it now more than ever. I didn't even know what to say.

We arrived at the resort and he and his son dropped me off at the spa. I had a fifty-minute massage ("You have a lot of tension in your shoulders..." you think?!)and a thirty-minute facial. New dress we'd found last week and hosiery and shoes. The best company and comforting from his siblings and their special others. Thoughtful cards and sincere sympathy amidst the happy family banter.

It was exactly what I needed. Princess treatment and love like I've never felt before. My Grandma would be so happy to know that I have such love surrounding me. That is what she would have chosen for me, had she the power.

I didn't go to work today. My jaw has been locked up for days and finally hit a max. I woke up with a hellacious headache. Steinvic stayed home with me...he didn't have to, but said that he told his boss he needed to take care of me.

I am not accustomed - even with as devoted as Steinvic has been - to being taken care of. For the first time ever, I'm allowing it to happen. How will I ever thank him and his family?

I'll go back to the real world tomorrow. A world where I don't have the compass I had before in my Grandma, but a world in which I think I can make it...with a little help from the people who really, truly love me.

I really, really miss my sweet friend. But I am so thankful for the people who remain here on this planet to love and guide me.

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