Monday, June 13, 2011

Sad Elvis

If you read here, you know that I do this sometimes: I get The Quiets. And if you have a blog, and you write in it regularly, you have probably experienced them, too.

It's not that I don't have anything to say. I do. I have just been keeping it to myself.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the elevator doors at work recently and I was reminded of something Steinvic and I saw on our Honeymoon visit to Vegas last Fall. Walking down one of the long corridors from the outside world into the casino was an Elvis.

He was walking briskly, but his head was kind of down. He had no swagger. He was kind of muttering to himself. He fumbled to light a cigarette as he walked along.

Even with his white and gold jumpsuit, his tan skin, Elvisish sunglasses and perfectly coiffed hair, he looked...sad.

I'm not sad, though. I'm happier than I have been in a long time and I feel very balanced and normal.

It's more like...I'm all dressed up with no place to go. There are a thousand million things in this world that I want to do, and that Steinvic wants to do, and that we want to do for our family and friends while we're on this planet.

And I'm not seeing progress. I mean, we're fine! We have, thank Goodness, great jobs and our health and a roof over our heads. We are THANKFUL for all of these things.

But the dreams. Dreams. I want to feel the elation of seeing some of our dreams come true.

Oh, you know what all this is about, don't you?

I'm turning 40 in less than two months. It's like that damn clock has been ticking over my head my whole life and I just noticed it a few minutes ago, and now I'm all, "Holy crap...I better get busy!"

And I can't talk about it. I try and it just sounds like bitching or a mid-life crisis. I don't want to bitch about it or label it...I want to DO something about it.

I am so talented. That isn't bragging. I mean, I'm no Elvis, but I can make stuff. I'm creative. I'm tireless. If I don't know how to do something I either figure it out or I ask someone to show me and then I conquer it. I like the feeling of accomplishment. I'm not competitive, but I like working and seeing and enjoying the results of my work. It's who I am. I have a lot to give.

So, I am charging myself with doing something about it. Steinvic reminded me yesterday, we only have this one life.

It is time...

(And I'm sorry I've been so silent. I didn't mean to be...)

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