Friday, March 20, 2009

Dumb Dinosaurs...

Have you ever heard that even if you think you've been dreaming the same dream throughout the night, you really haven't?

Well, that's a load of crap, because last night, I had the same dumb dinosaur dream, Lionel Richie Style. (That's All. Night. Long. for those of you who haven't had that second cup of coffee yet this morning.)

WTF, dinosaurs? The basic idea was that for some reason, dinosaurs decided to re-inhabit the Earth. Suddenly, there were dinosaurs ev-er-y-where. And guess what? They didn't like what we'd done with the place. They thought our houses were for stomping. That people were for eating. That our cars were for crushing and throwing. And our phone lines were to serve as finish lines for their stupid dinosaur races. (Okay, I made that last part up, but still.)

I woke up around ten times through the night, thinking things like, "Self, you know this is a dream, because if this were for real, Obama would be making a disaster-type announcement that would play in the streets, telling us not to panic and what to do." Cue the next phase of the dream where the Obama soundtrack was repeating over and over, "Do not panic. Remain calm. Take shelter." I love you Obama, but where exactly is the Dinosaur Disaster Shelter located? Because those b*tches were vicious and there was no escaping.

I also woke around 4:00 a.m. (a lovely hour, I might add, if you're the garbage collector) to think, "If we were invaded by dinosaurs, bomber jets would just shoot them from the sky." Cue the next hour of my dream, where bomber jets began shooting the dinosaurs and, oops! A few innocent bystanders, too. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

The last half hour was all like...apocalyptic. Everything was trashed. Some Amish-looking fellow had a knife and was going to kill me or stab me or something me (guess he wasn't really Amish, huh?) and I was thinking of how to defend myself when I finally said, "That's it! I'm up!" and got up before my alarm.

I think all this was inspired by a billboard I saw on the way home from visiting my grandma. It was a ridiculously uncool picture of a T-Rex, mouth open, teeth nas-tay, hanging over the highway. (Hello, advertisers...some of us DON'T like to be startled by pictures of horrifying dinosaurs, s-h-a-r-k-s, or other toothy evil looking creatures while we're driving.)

Even still, how my brain could make an entire night of it, I don't know...

p.s. I know you're impressed with my one-minute-thirty-second dinosaur masterpiece at the top here...I'm not apologizing for it because I just had to illustrate this post some way. Signed prints available upon request.

No comments: