Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Ode to Cornelius (aka The Walmart Dance)

I'll admit that some nights, my "To Do" list is a little ambitious. When I think of things during the day, I'll go, "Ooo! I gotta write that down..." and before I know it, the list is more than one Post-It long, and I'm a complete slave to it: I won't feel good unless I accomplish everything.

Last night's list read like this:

  • Home
  • Don't forget to pick up Walmart and Michael's gift cards from piano!
  • Check underneath sink for Allen wrench size
  • Go to Walmart for Bike
  • Go to hardware store for wrench
  • Go to Michael's for non-toxic permanent glass paint
  • Pick up compact, olives, pineapple
  • Grocery store? Sauerkraut, potatoes, pork for Steinvic, snacks

I had the first three things checked off my list in no time. The fourth was tricky...it started snowing big time and our local Walmart didn't have my exercise bike. The online store locator for the bike wasn't working, so if I was going to get my bike, I was going to have to drive around from store to store looking for it. So, with crummy visibility, I drove to a second Walmart and when they didn't have it, I gave up, totally disappointed. Instead of touring all the Cincinnati Walmarts, I decided to order it online when I got home.

Go to hardware store for wrench. After walking around and around and around looking for the wrench I needed or someone to help me find it, I found a cashier and got her to radio someone to help me. He magically emerged with another worker from the aisle I'd just been in (they weren't there one second before! I swear!) found my wrench (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way back in the appliance area, next to garbage disposals...not with the plumbing tools like I thought) and promised that it would solve my garbage disposal issue.

Go to Michael's for non-toxic, permanent glass paint. They didn't have the paint I needed. Grrr...

Pick up compact, olives, pineapple... Went to Target for my compact. Decided that, at this point, I needed some wine, too. And of course the pineapple, olives...

The grocery store would have to wait.

Finally, I was home. Fixing the garbage disposal was a breeze! (I was so anxious to find out if this simple wrench would do it that I didn't even change out of my work clothes to try it out.) Relief!

Then I hopped online to order my bike. Remember how I said that Steinvic had given me many gift cards inside many sweet, heartfelt Christmas cards? Well...the Walmart online ordering system only accepts 4 gift cards per order. What. The. Heck?! Apparently, they don't appreciate cuteness or cleverness or multiple gift cards.

So, I started trying to call the 1-800 number to see what I could do about it...every number I tried took me to something automated. All I wanted to do was talk to someone. So, for the sake of my exercise bike and in the Spirit of Christmas, I did what any bike-deprived girl in my situation would do: I lied. I picked the "problem with service in store" option, waited forever, and began to tell her my woes when she kindly interrupted me transferred me to someone else "who can help with your ordeal."

Enter Cornelius. Now, given that it's Christmastime, you may immediately be thinking of this Cornelius:

But no. This Cornelius sounded more like this guy:

and as funny as he was, Cornelius couldn't help me at first. I mean, he was totally willing to help, but he said he had no idea what to do about my problem. And - this is strange - he said that walmart.com and the actual stores weren't really "connected." He said there was no way to determine which store might have my exercise bike because the stores only agree to show inventory levels of certain items. My bike wasn't one of them.

He suggested that maybe I go in and see if a manager would trade four of my cards for one big $100 card and that I could use that, plus my two others, to make my online purchase. I said, "I'll tell them that Cornelius is going to beat them up if they won't agree," and he laughed at that. "Yes! Do that! They'll have to do it!"

Then he said, "Wait...maybe you can order a $100 e-card online and pay for it with your four $25 ones. Then the system will send one big gift certificate to your e-mail for $100...try that!!"

Well, Cornelius, you are a genius. Because it worked!

Bike ordered! Soon, I will be burning calories on this:
and I can't wait! Thank you Steinvic!

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