Sometimes, things happen and as much as we would like a resolution, we never get it.
My Dad, who was estranged to me for years before his death, left this planet without working with me to resolve our issues. When he left our family, he became a much harsher, heartless, selfish version of himself than he'd already been. When I turned 18, I realized I didn't have to put up with it any longer. He didn't really care...he had a new family that was more along the lines of what he'd always wanted (son becoming a lawyer, daughters who had gone to great colleges, big house, wife with fake boobs) and I wasn't missed.
We did talk about a year before he died, and it was a little formal and stilted, but in retrospect, I am glad I'd called him. It was his last birthday. We didn't solve any big issues - we didn't even address them - but I could tell he was at peace with everything and he knew he was going to die. (He had Shy Draggers and you don't recover or live very long if you have that.) So, while that last conversation wasn't really a resolution - he never apologized for the things he'd done - I feel like at least I know he was kind of OK, and that is enough for me. It has to be.
Last night, I told one of our friends about the maid of honor situation. I told her because it was on my mind, as we received a package from her yesterday. It's actually from an artisan she's ordered things from in the past, who sent it here on her behalf. I am sure that she ordered whatever it may be prior to our confrontation a few weeks ago, but it just arrived and made me feel weird all over again.
So, I hadn't seen this friend in a few weeks. She is also getting married and asked how our plans were going and I told her. She was totally shocked and asked why.
Before I answered, I paused and considered everything and guessed, "It's either because she simply doesn't want to or because she is upset that we couldn't go to her 40th surprise birthday party." Because when we were talking, she never did say why...just, "I never said I would go to both (your ceremony and party)" over and over. (Which isn't true.) But the other thing she said twice was, "I didn't get mad at you for not coming to my surprise party, so how can you even ask me about this?" In fact, we had a very real reason we couldn't go: we were moving Steinvic here over that weekend and the next. We also got just one month's notice of the party - not more than six, as she had with our events. We would have loved to go, but sadly didn't have the means or the time off, and Steinvic had to be out of his apartment by the following weekend, and we were also relocating Young Man. Those were the busiest weekends ever...if it had been possible to party with her, we'd have loved to, and we sure could have used a break.
Our friend last evening asked what would happen now...would this other friend and I work it out, did I think she'd come to the party anyway. And the answer to both is no.
I don't think we'll ever speak again, and I have to be OK with that. I have to.
It doesn't mean that I don't forgive her or that I'm angry or that I wish her any harm. In fact, I feel the opposite of that. I hope she finds happiness, accepts herself for who she is, finds the love of her life and gets everything she wants. And stops being so angry. I just don't need to keep putting myself out there and getting the short end of the friendship stick, as often happened in that relationship.
The truth is, this life is super short. We have a responsibility to surround ourselves with the people who bring out the brightness in us. Who want the best for us. Who may not believe in the same things as we do, but who respect who we are and can admire our differences. Who will be honest and unselfish and understanding and tolerant. And loyal.
I wish all those things for her. And for me, too.